


Knowing Me

by Closeted_Bookworm



Series: Original Poetry [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Free Verse, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25157857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closeted_Bookworm/pseuds/Closeted_Bookworm
Summary: A free-verse poem about my thoughts
Series: Original Poetry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2113098
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	Knowing Me

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize to anyone who has a user subscription to me and does not appreciate this sort of thing, as this is not fan fiction. Don't worry, it's probably a one time thing. I needed to get this out somewhere that people don't know who I am. I've been thinking through some things recently and I've been feeling down today, so I tried putting some thoughts down on paper, and here we are.
> 
> I'd appreciate it if you could read this, even though it's not a usual post for this website.
> 
> Thank you.

I don’t like to open up.  
So I don’t. 

Sometimes I forget that people around me can’t hear what I’m thinking  
What I want to say  
Or share  
Or like  
Or do  
Because they can’t see through me like I can.  
Everything I deem too risky stays locked inside my head  
Ready to be regretted later. 

Wouldn’t it be easier if they could hear my thoughts?  
I wouldn’t have to worry if I should say something or not  
Because by the time I’ve overthought it, it’s already out.  
Or maybe it would be better if I could hear others’ thoughts.  
I wouldn’t have to worry what they think of me  
Because as soon as I’ve said something, I’d know.

There are parts of me that they’ve never seen.  
There are parts of me that I’ve never seen.  
There are parts of me that are not fit to be seen.

There are parts of me that I’ve never revealed.  
There are parts of me that should not be revealed.  
There are parts of me that if I revealed them, would change how they think of me.

I have never loved those parts  
But I’m learning to live with them.  
If I keep living,  
Maybe I’ll start loving  
And then I can open up.

But not yet.

For now I’m stuck tight in this frame of mind  
Scared of what people might see if I break down my walls.  
I don’t even know if I can break them down.  
At this point, can I even separate what’s real  
What’s my true self  
From what I put out for them to see?  
Or are they the same thing?

I’ve decided I’d rather have others see me.  
Watching others’ reactions lets me hide,  
Adding guards to the watchtowers I already want to burn down.  
It would probably be better to throw open the gates  
To be naked before someone I trust  
To let them see the things I hide in my mind  
Instead of peering out through arrow slits in my fortress,  
White flag held at the ready before the first shot is fired.  
I want people to know what I said  
Shared  
Liked  
Did  
Loved.

I don’t like to open up.  
But I will.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't started living the last two stanzas yet, but hopefully I will be able to.
> 
> Thanks for sticking through this.


End file.
